Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Note to Self. 40 spins around the sun have taught me this.....

Suddenly it all makes sense.

On the Eve of my 40 cycles around the earth, i felt blessed. I felt tremendous gratitude for my soul to have knocked on my door, and for my inner voice to have answered. I was at the Shivananda Ashram in the Bahamas, at awe, in the realization that my first introduction to Yoga came through the Shivananda Centre in Toronto in 1996, so long ago, and though I have travelled many paths through Yoga, it is here that I was on the eve of my 40th birthday.

As I celebrated 40 spins around the sun, and suddenly it all made sense.  Suddenly, there is a different depth of trust in life's grace and I no longer need to know all the details, of why and how, but rather I feel more at peace with where I am and I feel a more mature level of commitment for my spiritual practice that carries me through, day in and day out.  

Suddenly the voice that struggled for so long to find its path, has quietly found it.  Suddenly the weight of my broken heart has lifted and the veiled of the illusion of separateness has come together to show me that neither time nor space are real boundaries for the heart, and that I am here to experience and learn about love, unconditional love.

Separation found its way to my heart on the summer of 1991, when we immigrated to Canada.  We, my mother, myself and brother, left Venezuela 23 years ago in the midst of very corrupt governments  lack of social conscience, violence, attacks on our personal safety and personal freedoms. We became immigrants in what I thought at the time was a strange country, with a language I did not speak, a culture I couldn't relate to, a winter that chilled my bones, and a one way trip that broke my soul.  Tears rolled down my cheek for 365 days in a row, and every now and then, they still find their way out of the deep layers of my teenage heart onto the face of my 40 year old body.  I guess my scar hasn't fully healed, I guess home is always our first love, and a place no other place can ever replace.  But through these 23 years as an immigrant I began to heal my heart, I began to make it my home, I began to understand and feel the greatness of being where I am, being free to speak my truth, having my rights as a human, as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter, respected and valued. I began to appreciate in my body, the peace that exists around me.  I began to appreciate and become conscious of my freedom.  I began to understand the reasons of why we left, I began to understand that growing up in a beautiful yet violent city, had left a deep imprint of fear, anxiety, and worry within me, but it has also given me one of my most precious gifts: a social conscience. 

This social conscience that feels and sees too much, has led me to interact with the world through the lens of my camera, documenting all sort of stories about the human condition, the journey of social justice and human rights is one close to my heart.  Photographing stories of the human heart, stories of spiritual transformation, stories in places far away and close to home, opened new doors of perspective and awareness onto my journey and allowed me to have exposure to the spiritual ways of different cultures and traditions that otherwise I may not have had the opportunity to bare witness. 

This social conscience is the seed of my dharma, and though the way in which I am engaging with the world is changing, the seed is still the same.

I am and will always be a hope activist at heart. 

Through my healing journey over the last 5 years, I discovered that the road is never straight.  That it's full of wonderful twists and turns, detours, and doorways into the greater brave new worlds.  That it's full of serendipitous meetings that always leave an imprint in our souls.  The more we are able to connect within ourselves with our own sacrednesss we are able to also see the Universe- The Macrocosm symbolically at work within us and through us.

This year in particular I have surrendered to my heart, to the consciousness and the fire that burns within, and the reclaiming of the sacredness that resides deeper beyond the fire in my heart, deeper in the place where silence resides, where I feel most complete, most open, most vulnerable, most peaceful.  That space where I am truly myself, where I feel supported, nurtured and nourished by Spirit. 

Along the process I have tapped into the Ashram within,  the sacred space that has always been with us.  I have choosen to answer, to surrender, to melt away into the wings of consciousness.  In me, it took a healing crisis to take the leap of faith.  In me, it took the realignment of where my body, my heart and my soul needed to go vs where my mind thought it needed to go.  In me, it took the acceptance, that I can choose, not just cope, not just have to, not just carry on, but actually CHOOSE how I deal with what happens and the shifts that ripple out of my choice to align myself ever more deeply with my true self, with my soul and with Spirit.  It's given me great strength, awareness, and a deepening of my purpose.  It has sparked the REVOLUTION WITHIN and defined that what I used to call my creative dragon is the hope activist whithin.  For that I am grateful and I know in my bones that I am exactly where I need to be and where I prayed so long ago that I would be- home within.  

So as I sit on this last day of 2014, I think of all that came to pass, the twists and turns of my healing journey, and I bow into my heart with a big smile on my face and resonating with a big YES!!! and a big THANK YOU!! on my chest for heavy metals are officially OUT! and a new phase begins and the extention of the Revolution Within continues.  I'd like to think of it as a new phase of deeper integration.  And rather than make or think of my 2015 goals as resolutions, I rather think of them as a process of deeper alignment.  What and how do I choose to walk my line? What do I envision to create this year? What are the feelings, the everyday state of being that I wish to live from?  Gratitude, Love and Deep Trust are the first ones to come to mind.  How can I be of service and really, really make a difference in my community, in the world, in my life and yours? 
How can we inspire each other to bring about the best in us, and live, in trust that you will be there for me and that I will be there for you.  How can we create safer communities for our children and how can we teach them to walk their line ethically, carrying honesty and a deep love and respect for the world and the people of the world?

What are you thinking for this next year to come?  Allthough every day is a new opportunity to create shift and change within us and spark our own Revolution Within as we awaken the hope activist that resides in our hearts,  this time of the year gifts us the opportunity to synch into ourselves a little deeper and begin to write a new chapter in our lives.  Time, well, she goes.  We keep spining around the sun.  What have your spins taught you?  What are the dreams you dream as we spin?  When will you start living your dreams, living what you love and in the process spark your own Revolution Within and tap into your own hope activist?

I don't have your answers.  They are only yours to be found, to be lived, to be surrendered to, to be choosen by you and only you.  You know yourself best, and most importantly it's your life.  It's your journey back to you.

On these 40 spins around the sun, and on this last day of 2014, I feel blessed, grateful, hopeful and inspired to dive deeper into the realms of alignment of body, heart, mind and soul.  I feel my compass has been set.  It is driven by my heart and the hope activist within, and it knows only one way forward. So what do you say, are you ready to roll up your sleeves and dive deeper within?

Quote of the day:

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."  Say not, "I have found the path of the soul."  Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."  For the soul walks upon all paths.  The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.  The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.  ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923