It's an old saying.. "When one door closes, another one opens". But what happens if we are really attached to what we do, where we are at, our passions, dreams and desires? What happens when the door closes, when we realize that if we want to have a different result, we are going to have to change what we are doing? At first, fears happens. Then a lot of questioning happens. Perhaps some anger. But then answers also start to happen. Then a deeper sense of how much we have changed, and what the desires behind some of our dreams really are. A different level of peace and trust enters into my heart and I surrender, I accept, I move, I breathe, I get onto my mat, I connect with the Wisdom of Spirit within me. I surrender to the Magic of it all, because I feel it giving life to the beating of my heart.
As some of you know I used to work as a photographer. I still do it, but not as much as before. Then I got sick with large quantities of Heavy Metals in my blood that were causing all sorts of reactions. Then I got tired of being sick and having no answers. Then I started listening deep within and my life changed. Everything is the same, yet EVERYTHING has changed. There was a time in my life when all I breathed, ate and dreamed about was photography. I couldn't imagine my life without it. As I continued to heal, I went back to painting. I need that creative outlet of artistic expression. It has been my calling for so long.... but for the last couple of months... I started to react to the subtle and not so subtle scents and fumes of the acrylic paint. Ahhhhh. What? No! Again? Yes!
I have felt fear, I have felt anger that I can't do things that I love because of how they affect my body. I have struggled with it. But I have also sat with it. I asked questions and received answers. I surrendered to the powers above, and awoke to a magical world of synchronicity, love and spirit. As I meditate with it, I realize that most of my work as a photographer and a painter where about the human connection and my own connection to Spirit. Photographically, they were documentary stories about our social conditions, a lot where about the rituals that keep our connection alive. As a painter, I was fascinated with painting the feeling and energy of a landscape as a way to journey to Spirit.
As that door closes, it doesn't mean that I will stop, but the ways in which I can work both photographically and through painting have to change, a bigger door opens! The softening of the heart, the forgiveness to self, others and lives's circumstances is allowing me to trust in the ability of the Universe to guide me, to allow for personal transformation and a more intimate and deep connection to Spirit. All sort of wonderful synchronicity, magical moments & people keep showing up in my life and I am most grateful for the awe I feel inside. So another door opens and it's all Rawllygood. This brave new world has brought me into a different understanding and relationship with myself and with Spirit. I accept. I surrender. My heart is open.
"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."- Lao Tzu